For the heart that desires peace or any sort of spiritual life at all, a lack of silence is the worst plague of modern society.

It’s a bold claim, but the average modern American household has three plus televisions, to which we have approximately 6+ hours of exposure per day. Other screens seem to occupy the rest of the time. If not screens, then busyness. Full schedules without intentionality. Constant running here and there, never enough time to even recognize the fact that there is no longer any space for quiet in our lives.

“It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking.” – Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Why do we avoid quiet?

Silence is becoming increasingly avoided because people find it “boring” or a “waste of time”. However, we still talk about needing an “escape” from our busy lives.

We know how to value “down time”, “alone time”, and vacations. But, how often are those times of relaxation filled with even more noise, just different noise than the noise we tried to leave behind? Different activity. Different, often even more, entertainment. All still noise, just different.

The real reason we avoid silence is because we are scared.

We use our constant flurry of activity to hide from what we don’t know. We hide behind busyness and noise because it is easy to control. It feels safe. It is easy to hide behind what we do, so that we are not faced with who we are. If we give ourselves time to be quiet, we will be forced to reflect, to notice things about ourselves, our lives, or our relationships that might need to change or improve.

Silence opens us up to vulnerability. Once we are no longer distracted by or hidden behind noise and constant activity, we discover a new depth of personal understanding and a more ready, and genuine connection with those around us.

We fear this, but vulnerability and connection are what make us real. They are what make us human!

True Silence

The purpose of silence is twofold: reflection and connection.

In Reflection,

we are able to contemplate more of the mysteries of our lives, more of the wonders of the universe, more of the beauty of creation, more of the impact we have had on our circumstances and surroundings and what those circumstances and surroundings have had on us. Reflection encourages us to get to know our inmost self as well as those around us better and to delve deeper into our relationship with the Author of it all.

True connection stems from reflection,

from this sudden newfound ability to enter more deeply into relationships. In true silence there is an understood openness and receptivity. A greater and deeper opportunity for mutual exchange of information, feelings, ideas and opinions. It is not just the outer appearance of quiet but cultivating an interior openness as well.

It is only with the latter that silence becomes meaningful and valuable.

Thus, true silence consists of two parts: both interior and exterior.

When was the last time you felt you had something important to say, yet the person you were speaking to, while technically letting you speak, completely disregarded everything you had to say? It doesn’t matter whether they were being intentionally rude, or if they had been on their phone or somehow otherwise distracted.

How “listened to” did you feel??

Even though the other person was technically “silent” while you spoke, how much connection was there? How truly silent were they? How truly silent are you when you do this to someone else?

1) Exterior silence

This is the kind of silence that eliminates all exterior “visible” noise from our lives. This includes (but is not limited to):

Technology addictions – You know what I’m talking about – cellphones, social media, internet, television, headphones… These are the obvious culprits here.
Busyness – Constant activity/hobbies/projects
Too much “hanging out” and no deeper friendships
Too many substances (nicotine, alcohol, caffeine, medications, drugs)
Anything that can cloud our mind, our vision, or our focus and distract us from what really matters.

The first step to discovering meaningful and purposeful silence in our lives is to slow down and cut out some of the external stimulus.

Without eliminating some of the “noise” in our lives we won’t ever be able to discover the beauty of the silence that goes beyond the superficial.

2) Interior Silence

“Souls of prayer are souls of great silence” – Mother Theresa

Silence is so much more than a passive rejection of distractions or a simple refusal to speak. In fact, the reason silence is beautiful, desirable, valuable and even life-changing, is because true silence has an interior, active, purposeful and fruitful element as well.

Interior silence is a demeanor. It is a quiet like Mary’s in the Bible who simply “treasured all these things in her heart” (Luke 2: 19, 51). Although she speaks, her words are few. Although she is silent, her presence is powerful.

Interior silence is an attitude of openness, of humility, of genuine interest in and concern for the other person. It is an attitude of listening, of being attune to what is outside us that allows us to connect to ourselves, to others and to God. Because of this, interior silence is the sole most important key that allows us to build genuine, lasting, and strong relationships.

4 ways to cultivate Interior Silence

Recognize that others, especially God, have something to offer and that you don’t know everything
Cultivate an empathetic (not sympathetic) attitude and a desire for understanding
Try to be patient and loving (But remember, compassion does NOT necessarily equal compromise)
Strive to eliminate distractions when in conversations with others (in other words, practice exterior silence too – put down the cell phone, turn off the TV, make eye contact, etc)

Thought to Ponder:

How has silence affected your own life? What are some ways you would benefit from having more silence in your life? What are 1-3 practical ways you could foster more quiet in your lifestyle?