How do you know if you have a strong relationship with God or not?

• Do you feel like you are growing in your relationship with God… or is it stagnant?
• Is your prayer life invigorating, changing you, or making a difference in your life… or is it something you fight?
• Does God ever feel cold, heartless or distant?

Then your relationship with God could definitely use some TLC. 🙂

Let’s diagnose what might be causing your difficulties…

Note:

You may experience any number of these problems – most likely all of them to a certain degree. The key is not to lose your calm, but to just take the recognition of the problem as the beginning of the solution! The sooner you can start working on your greatest obstacle, the sooner you will see genuine and tangible improvements in your relationship with God.

Don’t get upset if you find yourself fitting into a particular category. Each of these problems are very common and every single person has probably experienced each one at some time or another. You are not alone.

However, just because these attitudes are common does not mean that they are not extremely detrimental to our relationship with God. Usually they are most damaging because we don’t even know they are there.

Obstacles to your Strong Relationship with God

1 – Lack of Silence

For a Strong Relationship with God we need to feel like He is truly someone we can interact with. The first time we hear Him speak is life changing! Learning to recognize His voice is critical to believing that we are not alone.

The Lord speaks in a whisper (1 Kings 19:12). In order for us foster closeness with God we must foster a spirit of quiet. This is not necessarily the quiet of avoiding your busy life, sitting in solitude on a mountaintop somewhere, or spending your whole life in a church. It is more about learning how to find a level of mental quiet, despite the busyness. Learning to hear God above and/or amidst the noise, if you will.

Read also: How to Foster Interior Silence, aka. Mental Quietude

2 – Lack of openness

When you are thinking about your relationship with God, you need to remember that you are in a relationship with a being outside yourself.

Often, we think that God needs to fit inside the box we want to put Him in. We want Him to agree with us. We want Him to come around to our perspective or to convince Him of something. We want Him to see things our way, so that He will give us what WE want. We like to twist everything we read, and everything He says to fit our own preconceived agenda.

But, this is a serious problem.

Do you think a healthy human relationship could survive on those terms?  Even the most secular (non-religious) person out there would agree that such a relationship with anyone would be completely one-sided, selfish, manipulative, controlling, and, most likely, borderline abusive.

Why do we enter into relationships with other people anyway?

Typically, we find the other person interesting. We like that they are DIFFERENT from us.  We enjoy our similarities, but we also want someone to learn from and grow with.  We are interested in their opinions and their tastes and we are respectful of them.

If we treat other human beings this way, it should be obvious that God is deserving of at least equal respect.

Why, then, do we treat Him like we do?

Signs that you might have this problem:

• Stubbornness or Persistence in wrongdoing – an attitude of “I know I’m right and, no matter what, no one is going to convince me otherwise”. Or “I’m going to prove I know what I’m doing or die trying.” This attitude is wrong because it presumes that you do not believe that you are capable of being wrong. It proclaims to God’s face that “you know better than Him” (and, if you think about it, is that really what you believe?)
• “Praying” and yet never growing, never changing, never having your “prayer” impact your life.
• Getting angry with God for prayers “not answered” or not answered “right”.

Note –

If you just realized you have this problem – don’t get down on yourself thinking you are a horrible person. This problem is man’s classic problem from the dawn of time. This is, simply once again, the sin of Adam: wanting to be “like God” (Genesis 3:5). Just note, that no matter how much we want to be like God, or how wise we think ourselves – the more you think you’ve got it all together, the less you probably do.

Read also:

• Listening to God in a World full of Noise
• 2 Prayers to Keep us Humble

3 – Lack of Faith

“Oh, ye of little faith…” – Matthew 8:26

This is a very common and very debilitating problem when we want to build a strong Relationship with God. In the Gospels, people were not healed on the basis of their merit, or their money, or their status, but on the basis of their FAITH. “…Your faith has saved you….” 

They looked for a way to take the man into the house where Jesus was. But they could not find a way to take him in because of so many people. They made a hole in the roof over where Jesus stood. Then they let the bed with the sick man on it down before Jesus. When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the man, “Friend, your sins are forgiven.” – Luke 5:18-20

Note the faith of the Syrophoenician woman who believes the Lord will heal her daughter even though she is not of Jewish descent.  (Mark 7:24-30)

To the Roman Centurian who asked for the healing of his servant, Jesus says, “Nowhere in Israel have I found such faith” (Matthew 8:5-13; John 4:43-54)

If you have faith the size of a mustard seed you can move mountains… – Matthew 17:20

What does a lack of faith say?

Lack of faith says, “I can’t”, “It’s not possible”.  Lack of faith won’t try, it has no hope, therefore, it remains crippled.

And He was unable to do many miracles there because of their lack of faith – Matthew 15:38

Why?  Because lack of faith puts limits on God

Our Lack of Faith presumes that God can’t or won’t help, that He doesn’t care or doesn’t love enough to notice or help us.

“Do you not care that we are perishing?” – Mark 4:38

It shows a gross lack of knowledge of who the person of God is and what He is capable of.  It is literally insulting to who He is in His essence.

It does not, as we might think, “motivate” Him in some underhanded, manipulative way to try to prove Himself to us as if He needed to show off in order to earn our esteem. This would be like the Pharisees, as Christ was hanging on the cross, taunting:

“If you are the son of God, save yourself” – Matthew 27:40, Mark 15:30, Luke 23:37, John 18:28

…and Him, probably, thinking in reply, “If you don’t already know who I am, than nothing I do can possibly convince you, except maybe staying here and “finishing” this as it is meant to be.

I’m sure when we try to “challenge” Him with our lack of faith, He responds similarly.

The telltale sign of struggle in this area: FEAR

FEAR in our daily lives.  Fear of the future, fear of the unknown, fear of “drowning” in whatever storm you are facing at this moment. Fear of pain, fear of hardship, fear of death, fear of making right or wrong decisions… Whatever it may be, if you are afraid, you might want to look to God for greater Faith.

“Lord, I believe, help my unbelief” – Mark 9:23-25

Read also:

• 3 Simple Secrets to Living a more Childlike Faith
• 5 Steps to Live Unshakable Trust
• 4 Obstacles to Trusting God and How to Overcome Them

4 – Lack of Effort

I challenge you right now, ask yourself:

Do you REALLY make an effort to have a strong relationship with God? Do you want this?  What are you willing to sacrifice to make it happen?  Is there any part of you that you are holding back?  We are afraid that if we offer everything to Him that He will consume everything.  Logical? Probably… but it’s not necessarily the case.

Often, He just wants us to be open to sacrificing whatever it takes just so that He can tell you He doesn’t need it and that you can keep it.

For example, when He asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, was He really asking Him to sacrifice Isaac? or, was He just asking Him to be open to giving up LITERALLY anything and EVERYTHING… Just so that God could gift back to him the thing he wanted most.

He will truly send an angel to stay your hand before you truly “lose” everything that you hold dear – if, of course, what you hold dear is truly what is best.

You could be reluctant to offer God your work

Maybe because you want to control it. The human psyche makes us want to know what is going on and be “in control” in at least one area of our lives. But no matter how good you are at your job, or how much time you dedicate to it, you will always be imperfect.  You will always need help.  You will always have more to do, more to grow. You will not be able to keep up the “perfect” charade for long.

You might be reluctant to offer God your plans.

You might think that if you give them to Him, He might change them.  You might think that He wants to spit on them and stomp them into the ground, but I promise you, He doesn’t want to do that!

He would never disrespect your heart like that. He loves you too much!

He might say, “I’m so glad you love these plans, because it means you will REALLY love this even better idea” or “*wink* I gave you those plans. Glad you like them! Now, let’s do it, together!”

Just show Him! The only thing that could go “wrong” is that your plans could get even better!

You could be reluctant to offer God your entertainment,

Are you justifying holding back by saying: God couldn’t possibly want something as trivial as my entertainment, could He? or, What does my entertainment have to do with God anyway? Or, If I give away my entertainment, I will never have anything fun or relaxing in my life ever again!  But we are only playing games with ourselves.  We are only trying to convince ourselves that we shouldn’t feel guilty about how we spend our time, because, after all, it is OUR time, right?

Or is it?

You could be reluctant to give God your sexuality

(gender, orientation, or habits) – for similar reasons… but mostly, probably, because what could God possibly want  with the most private part of my life? The most “private”, most “trivial” parts of your life are exactly what He wants the most, because it means you are truly all His. It means that you have held nothing back.  It means that you are closer with God than anyone else. This is why “God our God, is a jealous God” (Exodus 34:14), He pursues us like a bridegroom.  His deepest desire is to be let into the private recesses of our heart, our life, our time, and our being.

DO YOU have a strong relationship with God then?

There is always room to grow. Do not be discouraged. Just know that a strong relationship with God is possible, and TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!

Read also:

• 4 Pillars of an Unshakable Relationship with God
• 17 ways to make time for God
• Overcoming perfectionism – How to invite God into your Mess