The Most Important Element MISSING in your Self-Care Routine

It’s basically established now in the internet world that self-care isn’t selfish, it’s actually necessary. A requirement that we must incorporate into our daily routines without fail or calamity ensues.

The real question is, how WELL are we doing it???

It’s basically pretty obvious to the majority of us also that impulse shopping, doomscrolling, entertainment binges, comfort food, indulgence in excessive “venting” (really gossip, let’s be honest), sugar/alcohol/other addictions, and the like don’t constitute very healthy nor effective forms of “self-care”. In fact, while we may think we enjoy them in the moment, they actually backfire on us in the long run and add to the weight of our lives when we think about the shame, guilt, and natural consequences that come along with each one.

Less popular forms of self-care are far more rewarding and effective, but also far less glamorous, and certainly not easy. Things like eating healthy and in moderation, staying active and working out, paying attention to personal hygiene and good posture, exercising your brain (not on a smartphone app), seeking quiet, making your bed, and keeping your spaces tidy. These things require commitment and structure, but their reward pays dividends.

A less frequently acknowledged form of self-care that is just as important is that of self-respect.

Namely, cultivating a mindset that acknowledges who and Whose we are and treating ourselves accordingly.

This extends to learning to admit and believe that we were made intentionally and perfectly for our purpose, that God’s plan includes our family of origin, the time and place of our birth, our hair type, eye color, gender, and fingerprints. It includes learning to forgive those who have hurt us so as not to live with a victim mentality, and learning to accept those parts of ourselves that sometimes we’d rather hide or change. We could even take it to the extreme of saying, “If I was created perfectly, made in the image of the God who loves me just as He made me, why should I attempt to change, “fix”, or hide something about my physical appearance? This question obviously applies to plastic surgery, piercings, and tattoos, which are more fundamentally altering, but it could also be taken to apply to excessive jewelry, makeup, hair dye/extensions, nail polish, perfume, and even reliance on fancy wrinkle creams used in an attempt to cover up or distract from the person beneath/behind the gaudy charade.

“But, aren’t those all just forms of self-expression?”, you ask.

We are not what we like. We cannot equate the two. Otherwise, what you liked when you were 14 would match what you like when you are 40. But, you are still the same person. We need to focus our efforts on developing from the inside out and discovering the potential within rather than trying to create an identity measured in our “stuff”.

Self-respect spills over also into the way we dress and carry ourselves. It is important to learn which colors and styles complement your skin tone and body type, and keep a simple and versatile capsule wardrobe complete with pieces that are tasteful and flattering that do not exploit our sacred identity. We are not for sale, and we do not objectify ourselves. We want other people to be able to see our souls when we talk to them rather than just our bodies.

Self-respect also includes an element of also respecting the spaces we live and work in. An organized space reflects an organized mind, but it also works the other way around, our surroundings affect the clarity of our thoughts and our ability to focus. Operating from some level of self-respect is a key factor in staying motivated and in finding joy in this life.

So, is Self-Respect the missing element in our Self-Care routine?

Even after all that, surprisingly NOT!!!

The point is that true self-care helps us to radiate from the inside out. It is deep and genuine, not fake, “masky”, or able to be taken off, it needs to be part of who we are. It needs to affect who we are becoming. It’s a process of discovering our potential rather than a process of “building” a persona.

We are made up of body and soul.

Our interior life is just as important as our physical exterior, if not more. We are a combination of Mental, Emotional, Spiritual, and Physical worlds. Three of those are invisible to the naked eye. True self-care must acknowledge all four to be fulfilling, not just the physical and emotional (where most of us spend all our focus). This means that fulfilling self-care will also enable and embrace interior growth rather than burying it in extravagance, hoping no one will notice. The first to notice will always be you, wondering why you feel so unfulfilled.

Deep and effective self-care requires acknowledging all four pillars and learning how they fit together. We must learn to capture and replace our thoughts in order to build up our mental health to the point where it can respond more effectively to stress and challenge, and our routine must necessarily include prayer, contemplation, study, minimizing distractions, and acknowledging the truth of our finitude.

But, the most important aspect of our self-care routine that we still haven’t mentioned is self-discipline.

Without discipline we will not choose the hard, right, priorities required for a healthy, happy, successful life. Without discipline we would not have the strength to overcome the challenges we must face in order to succeed at anything. Without discipline we waste time being jealous of everyone else who has it.

Without discipline we cannot master consistency. Without consistency we cannot create habits. Without habits, everything takes effort, even the daily necessities. If all our effort is expended in the daily battles, we cannot grow, change, or make progress. This growth and progress is what gives us hope and encouragement, motivation, excitement, and momentum.

Discipline is what makes a healthy self-care practice possible in the first place. The world is not run on whims. The key to success is intentionality, and the key to intentionality is self-discipline.